We all know that ‘actions speak louder than words’. So knowing this is true, what is it we are telling our partner when we are watching television instead of spending one on one time with them? Or if we are snuggled in with our children instead of our partner! Or worse we are checking our emails, face book or twitter accounts rather than talking with our partner about our days or making love to them. All of these things are important, but not more important than having great one on one time with your partner.
I am aware that life can get in the way of have a steamy relationship. Children crying, phone calls, meals to be made, house to clean and all of this after a very long day at work. However if you can learn that when that bedroom door closes everything else should be set aside, you will be well on your way to having a strong relationship.
My husband and I have never had a phone, television or children in our bedroom. Our children know they can come in by invitation, but they cannot ever sleep with us or wander in if the door is closed. If they are sick we go to their rooms. They also know we would always be there for them, but we are trying to teach them that having a good mom and dad who love each other and want to spend time with each other is a very healthy thing. If they can see by our example that we value our relationship enough to make it work then they will understand this is not about giving them more than they should have of our time at the expense of another relationship. It brings order to their universe.
Putting a lock on your door will give you the sense of privacy you might need until your children learn and know what and why you are spending alone time with your partner. Don’t shy away from explaining that the bedroom should be were a couple can talk, play and spend some quality time together.
They don’t need the details but when they get older and have a relationship of their own they will figure it all out. However you need to do whatever is needed between the two of you so that your partner knows they are the center of your world! You should have the freedom to do what loving caring adults do when you are behind those doors.
Intimacy is not the only thing that will help keep you strong as a couple but it is the number one thing that will accomplish this. You both need to feel like you are important and that when you step into that bedroom that all eyes are on you. Women more so than men are attention seekers when it comes to sex and what happens in the bedroom. However it is not an exclusive thing to just women. The truth is we all want to know we are important enough, sexy enough, that everything else will stop just because we are there and are ready to fulfill each other’s physical and emotional needs.
Men: It is true that most men think about sex more than women do and probably want it more than most women, but women love knowing without a shadow of a doubt that we are the object of our man’s sex drive. Creating an atmosphere of romance is great but not really as necessary as it is for us to feel like a sex she devil. If we know our body turns our man on, we will give it to you. If we know you notice us in any way; that will turn up our sex drive. If you want us panting after you, pant after us. I know it might not be fair but it is the way it works. And do so by giving us complete undivided attention. Don’t text someone while we are getting changed into that sexy little piece you bought for us to wear. Don’t turn on a television when we nuzzle your neck with our whispered words of love. Make us the number one thing in that room that you want. We will sense your need, your attention and we will respond.
Women: Get your mind off your work and the other million things you know you have to do the next day. Don’t think about emailing back your best friend to see if she can do lunch tomorrow. Concentrate on your man. Let him know you are there one hundred percent for him. Let him see you are not thinking of anyone but him. Love the attention he is showing you and do not be afraid to do something new and adventurous.
Let’s bring sex back into our bedrooms and teach our children that in order to have a good relationship you have to value each other, spend personal alone time to grow, be there for one another and treat each other with love and respect by showing them they are worth our time and attention.
About the author
Lynda Harlos lives in Canada, happily married since 1986. Being a stay at home mom raising 4 children and a home based travel agent. Her passion is helping other couples or parents by being a sounding board for them and or offering tips or suggestion usually learnt from her years of experience. If you were to ask her about her marriage or her parenting skills she would reply “I was not a perfect wife or mom, but I did my best and loved my husband and my children no matter what. I’ve learned you can’t do any more than that”.